Monday, September 23, 2013

College Life, Dreams, & Such Things

 So far school has been interesting. Good. Great. Pretty awesome. The evening classes are new for me and I am so not used to that but throwing something different into something usual can turn out great. I don't want to turn into a what if person so every now and then why not pray through a season and then try something new, challenging, unknown? The great unknown. If I could describe my college career from the very beginning I would have to say that it's felt like an adventure. I've ventured into the great unknown with my lamp and oil following The Lord's guidance, discerning His voice, and recognizing the right open doors. Many doors will be presented but we have to know which one's are right for us and the only way to know is to be in communion with the Father. I can't say it enough. Doing life with God and God doing life with us is beautiful and what Jesus gave His life for. Before my Abnormal Psychology class started this morning I arrived early, sat in the auditorium, and continued to read through the Book of Matthew. I wanted to just jump out of my swivel chair when I read that my Lord was betrayed and sold for 30 pieces of silver. That number will forever be etched in my heart, mind, and soul. I just had a moment. I was in a lecture hall and had an intimately public moment with my Lord. This is totally off subject but I just have to throw it out there...His life He gave to pay for our ransom and though the price tag placed on Him was insulting He never put a price tag on our lives. Yup I had a moment.

Anyway, now that I've managed to throw so many details (which I really do love and I'm sure there's a point to them) out there I do want to share some pictures that have been becoming more and more clear. After graduation, when The Lord spoke to me about trading up my intended architecture career for the career He had in store for me, a new journey in my life began. Before then I was saved and in love with Jesus, spending all my time in church and stuff but I felt an abrupt turn of the wheel in my spiritual vehicle. I felt The Lord saying that that season of my life was good and necessary but it was a stepping block for what was to come. I felt Him strongly say that now in the next season's He was going to show His love for me differently because spiritual maturity was going to have to come. Every season after in some way was going to be about me learning to trust Him more, and more, and more, and even more. In the moment I was like, "Ok Lord, awesome!" Now that I look back...boy I totally understand what He was saying. The picture has become clearer and clearer. So I let go of my dreams, which were only based on my talent and experience. You'd think that it would be hard to walk into something blind, as many would say, but it wasn't. Have you ever heard the expression, love is blind? I was so in love with Jesus that it was easy to let to. His love is blind to the eyes but clear to the spirit. A few years back I wouldn't have listened, I would have rebelled but God won my heart over in His perfect timing. So The Lord caught my attention during a career day when I went in to listen to an Occupation Therapist speak. I was like, "Lord, no! What are you doing? You know I'm bad at science...how could I ever do anything medical? That was one of the first times I felt God smile and laugh at me. Clearly in my heart I heard Him say, "Do you trust me?" I gave Him one of my usual nods and kept listening to the speaker and after ran and told my counselor and teachers that I was switching careers. I went to a small academy so everybody knew everybody basically. They were all shocked, knowing all the previous plans I had made. I had already won scholarships. The trust seasons began. It's been a journey. The Lord has been leading me almost like through a trail of breadcrumbs. He caught my attention and then I walk through the next door, giving Him all the glory now in everything accomplished. He first caught my attention with OT which then lead me to major in Rehabilitation (super broad field) with a concentration in addictions and a minor in Spanish. The Holy Spirit and I have diligently worked and toiled, and now the next door has opened. The next breadcrumb has been set before me.

{Journal Entry Excerpt: September 21, 2013} Raw, messy, and all my heart and I.

"...A professor/super cool director came to do random pop-ins in the rehab classes to talk about a Master's program in Texas Tech University (Lubbock Texas y'all) called Marriage & Family Therapy. As she was explaining...The more words she said the more "that feeling" rose and traveled from my spirit to my heart. The same feeling that I got junior/senior year during the career day thinga-ma-bob. The Holy Spirit saying this is the next door go, go, go! God told me from the very start not to worry, that all I had to do was work up until the next door that opened and so on. He was right. He always is. Trusting Him with my (using "my" so lightly) career has been easy because I've seen the fruit day, month, and year after year. I wasn't sure to go for my Master's or not deep down but this woman literally said, "Don't you even think about not going to graduate school just because you don't have the funds, we will do everything we can to help you." She talked about the great need they had for Hispanic counselors: bilingual and bicultural. I felt peace in my heart, knowing this is it, sitting there, looking up and thinking: I hear you God. It's like I've been walking and wondering what would come after (would I get my master's in Rehab even though it doesn't feel right, like this isn't it) and God answered. I feel so good right now. Though I respect the Rehab Master's program and its amazing labor with DARS, something inside me knew that that wasn't my fit. I love seeing God restore lives and the fact that He would lead me into a career like that makes me feel honored and loved and yeah, special. I know I wanted to work with the youth and families through counseling and intervention. I know God put that desire in me from the start for a reason."

I'm a junior. I graduate in 2015. The next door came early in my timing but just right right for God. He knows what He's doing. I have about two more years before this decision takes place. The moving 632 miles from home thing is crazy for me for many reasons but I trust God with my now and my future. I guess if you get anything out of this post know that falling in love with God makes you realize that the waiting periods of your life aren't meant to be suffered, but to be dearly loved. Work on trusting the Lord, it's a process and one day you'll look back and understand. Enjoy your day guys! I'm off to class! Another pebble in the stepping stones of life.

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