It Clicked...Consider Joy.

 (James 1:2-4) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

This is what the Lord has been teaching me for more than a week straight. You know that moment when suddenly everything just makes sense? When everything just clicks, the aha moment, light bulb turning on, revelation? You know what I'm talking about, right? I had my first one the day I laid by my bed and cried out for Jesus to show me that He was real and then He did...click. I was 15 then, and I've had my good share of click moments ever since. This one that happened to me a week an a-half-or-so ago is probably one of the most major though. It's changed me. God has changed my fear of the unknown, the frustration of what is out of my control, into joy. Not happiness that only lingers for a short time and comes and goes, but joy that penetrates the soul and no matter what doesn't want to go. It's one thing to talk about letting go and letting God, but when you have an encounter with the lord in this area (or any area) His grace makes what was impossible in our strength and ability possible in His strength and ability. Over these passed few days God has just seen fit to teach me this. I've prayed for answers and these days were a big part of His answer. It was simple really. He just told me to delight in Him, to enjoy His company and presence, while He took care of my future. Matthew 6:33 is complete truth: To seek His kingdom, will, and presence, will set our focus on Him while He takes care of all that has to do with us. I've known this before but being in a storm can cause you to freak out sometimes but thank God that His faithfulness is not dependent on ours. He is who He is because He simply is. We don't need to get it, we just need to love Him. That's the first step, to just love Him. When we love God...trust, joy, peace, and obedience follow. 

This is what's been going on in my life right now and if anyone needs this well here it goes: with all my love in Christ I pray that you just love God to the point where the unanswered questions fade away and the mysteries of life become a joy to you rather than a terrible burden. I pray God's joy over you today as you fall deeper and deeper in love with Him. Because the more we fall in love with God the easier it ease to be stoned or shipwrecked in life like Paul and still write something as poetic as 1 Corinthians 13. That came out of a man who had joy in the midst of the trials that every christian faces when following Jesus. I mean, hopefully you've never been stoned to death but it could happen and I've felt the hurt of words that hurt like stones like many of you have. Our lives are to bring God glory. I heard an amazing quote recently..."it's His glory that is at stake, not ours." Our lives are about Him. After all, is not Jesus' love, heart, blood, and life worth fighting for? In this pursuit of God's will for us and of Jesus we press forward and every step brings us closer to who God created us to be. The reason I love the whole aspect of the verse I shared above is because once we fall in love with Jesus to the point of knowing that turning back is not an option, we persevere and continue to run forward, and this pilgrimage refines us season by season with the intention of bringing forth maturity in Christ. Maturity in Christ looks like Christ, it looks exactly like Him: how He forgave, surrendered, endured, talked, believed, loved, and lived. Suffering is inevitable but consider God's supernatural joy. Consider joy.

Focus On The Promise Through The Journey

Sometimes, when we've been walking through our journey for so long we can end up losing the focus of our actual destination. God gives us a promise, but when more time than we were expecting passes, it becomes harder to see "it". We question, we cry out, we even lose hope for a sec., but we never give up. I've always had a saying ever since I gave my life over to Jesus and encountered Him: There's no turning back anymore no matter what, no matter how hard it gets my only option is to move forward.

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward."  -Martin Luther King Jr.

God never said the journey of this life would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worth it! -Max Lucado

I've been asking God the same question over and over and over again for quite some time (years) and today I was just stopped by Him. He reminded me of a prayer I made when I was 15 years old and how He answered the beginning of it during that time. To me the little sign I asked God for at the end of my prayer was just a quirky inside joke between me and God, but he answered it. I joke with what I ask and He jokes by responding super quick. You see, the problem is that I expected that my whole prayer list would be answered and packaged up to be delivered to me all at once, but God's ways were different. He said it would be given to me but He didn't say when or how. My journey to the promise has been a rough one, I can't deny it, but I have come out a stronger woman who God intends to make stronger.

One Winter day during the Festival of Dedication, Jesus was confronted by the Jews who were also walking along in the temple courts. They surrounded Jesus and asked him "how long" he planned on keeping them "in suspense" and to just tell them "plainly" if he was the Messiah. While I was reading this story this morning in John 10:22-30 I knew without a doubt in my mind that God was talking to me. I had been crying out asking God to please just speak to me in such an obvious way because I couldn't get it, but He said to me that He already answered my question many times but I just wasn't seeing what He wanted me to see. I just wasn't getting it. When I started my walk toward the promise I was so sure, but then things got so scary bad that I let my gaze become foggy. I felt frustrated like those Jews did (of course I wasn't going to stone my Savior but I let anger and confusion get the best of me) because though they had heard the promise of Jesus' coming written in scripture, they let their gaze become foggy by what was said to them:the scriptures said that a Messiah was coming in a humble manner but it didn't say his name or the fact that he was going to be a carpenter's son.  The promise was delivered to them in different circumstances than they had expected in their hearts so they closed up their hearts and refused to see that God was living among them. The signs and wonders made it obvious but to believe meant that they had to be closer to faith and farther from their expectations. I knew that I couldn't take my anger and frustration out on my God, so instead...I took it out on the promise. That's a big no,no. I was so busy comparing my walk to others and asking God why others were happy with their promise fulfilled while mine seemed to be getting crazier and even more unpredictable. The thing is: God is not a cookie-cutter God, so He created individual people with individual stories. It's easy to buy into a one-for-all solution but that's just not true. We have to seek God's counsel directly from Him and then wait for His confirmation (through His word, dreams, people...etc). This whole week my seeking an answer for my question really escalated, and I see now as I write this that God has been answering me. Every morning with what I've been reading in the Word He's been answering me. It all connects. How God showed me in the Book of Genesis that he had to open Hagar's eyes to see the well of water so that she wouldn't let hopelessness in the middle of the dessert kill her and her son Ishmael, how God protected and cared for Ishmael as his only Father after he was rejected and sent away as God's plan to create him into a strong nation, and also how God looked into the heart of Rebekah and predestined her to be the wife that would say yes to an unpredictable marriage to Abraham's son Isaac. God spoke to me in detail about these stories all week long and finally I understand. Jesus was obviously the Messiah and my answer has been obviously staring me in the face for years. Jesus' answer to the Jews in the temple was this:

(John 10:27-30) My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

I am so sure of my salvation in Jesus and that He abides in me and I in Him by His grace alone, therefore my ear is in tune to what He's saying. The devil sometimes wants to make us doubt that, actually, the enemy always wants to make us doubt that because His mission is to kill, steal, and destroy us. I truly believe that Jesus wasn't just answering the Jew's questions...He was making a bold statement and letting the devil know that what belonged to the king of kings could not be taken from Him even by the thieve of thieves. We belong to Jesus and the devil has no right to touch us and our God who is greater can not be over-powered. I realized that the reason that I haven't responded to the many voices around me for years telling me to go this way and that way is because I've been fleeing from the other. I was once told a great truth: the devil takes no breaks and shows no mercy. He will use whatever he wants to use in order to kill you because your purpose threatens him. That goes for all of us. The enemy has tried to make me believe that I'm crazy for not listening to who I "should" listen to, dumb for "failing" those who I shouldn't, or just plain disobedient and worthy of receiving God's punishment when that is not true. Because the people around me have also seen the dessert that I have walked through with my promise in hand, they give advice out of hopelessness when I have been called to walk by the amount of faith that God has given to me. My walk is mine, entrusted to me by God and nobody will ever confuse me enough to snatch it from me. I am to complete my mission until I see the fulfillment of what God has promised me. I encourage everybody who reads this...stand strong and firm in the faith. Keep pressing forward with your eyes focused on the promise as you walk this life-long journey. May faith arise and I pray that hope sustain us through.

Summer Time

Summer is here! For me it's been here for three weeks already actually so...yeah. I have lists of things I want to do but as always plans do change. Some of the more obvious of things are to enjoy my Bible time with the Lord throughout my day, continue my healthy eating lifestyle and my workout routine, and hang out with my family, friends, and my boyfriend. I'm looking forward to August 27 because it'll be our five year anniversary. Needless to say this girl right here is oober happy. Whatever I temporarily possess as of now is all because of God's grace. Some handed down and other in part won through spiritual warfare. I've learned that that which truly matters and that is meant to last comes at a fight. The sweet christian girl who sings and dances before her Father's throne is still here, but she's matured and stepped in to her knew role as a warrior and leader. I have passed through the fire and have made it out alive with a heart that cannot be pulled away from Jesus. I belong to Him in the pain as well as in the calm. There's actually a song that Hillsong United sings that completely embodied the season I was going through and what I'm living now, so I really wanted to share it with y'all. I feel like beautiful things are coming. I truly do. This summer feels different and I can't wait to see what God has in store. Some jump roping, gym time, watermelon eating, movie marathons, date nights, and some more worship. I'm excited!

Hillsong Live- "Glorious Ruins"

Springs in the Struggle

(Psalm 84:4-7) Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.

There are so many times where I've just gotten a super quick reply from God. I'm talking in the blink of an eye type of fast. But other times it feels like forever. I had been praying for the Lord to speak to me. Now I know this sounds so under decorated but why not be real, right? I prayed. Days past. I opened my Bible. God spoke. As I began to read through Psalm 84 my spirit leaped inside and I just knew that this word was for me. What I've gone through in the past few months did change me. It changed me for the better. God made me stronger. The way I think, the way I talk, and the way I see life has changed. I've learned that "the struggle" is inevitable so one can either be obliterated by it or empowered by it. There is a true and beautiful promise in this scripture and it is that when we maintain a close relationship with God He gives us the strength and power to even bring forth blessings in the midst of every battle and valley of tears we walk through. What He showed me was that if I set my heart on, if I focus on, continuing and pursuing through the journey that he has mapped out for me then when I go through tough times He will be right there with me showing me that it is possible to have His joy that isn't all smiles and giggles, yet powerful and fulfilling. Not only will I dig and create a dry land a place of springs but He will also send his rain to overflow the season that I am going through. What does that look like? For me it was discovering true friends that prayed with me and encouraged me, to be able to finish two semesters victoriously when the odds were against me, and to receive the answer to my prayers. I continue my journey and I still face many struggles and I know that there are future struggles but I also know that God gave me the power by His Holy Spirit to dig until a spring comes gushing forth to bring life to what was dead. Hang in there folks. Our God is right beside us.

The Process: Loving People & Giving Your Life in Prayer

At one point along our spiritual journey we will all come face to face with the realization of what love really means. I'm talking about moving in God's powerful, transforming, and sin-covering love. Whether someone in your family hurts you, your best friend betrays you, your brother and sister's in Christ speak falsely against you the reality is we're in a hurting world that is crying out for the real children of God to rise up and take their place. The children of God that forgive seven times seventy times, that speak life, that pursue holiness, that move in the spirit, that walk in faith, that promote true peace, that go forth in spiritual warfare, that pray without ceasing, and that love. And that love. And that love. And that love! The sooner we realize that the moment we decide to follow Jesus we're all automatically walking as a work in progress along the narrow road, the sooner we can receive grace and give it to other's. Because we are all like clay jars in the hands of the potter, being perfected in Christ until Jesus returns for us, His bride. All of us. I've struggled with this and I've seen other children of God battle with this type of attitude: Well at least now we're on the road you know so we're ok. No. Oh, no. I was so wrong thinking this. We are all being perfected and whether we'd like to suppress the fact or not, we all have a plank in our eye that still needs to be removed before we can take care of our brother's or sister's plank. God is becoming strong in our weaknesses day by day as we're seeking Him so as we walk forth lets encourage one other, rebuke in love, forgive, and move forward. I'm going through something so difficult right now that if you were to have told me growing up what was to come I would have fled in fear. I can trust God with my life's picture now. I can trust God with the people I love and know that even though I thought my plan was beautiful for them God's is spectacular and full of glory. There's a scripture that the Holy Spirit has been bringing to me through this rough time and it is...

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(Luke 6:31) Do to others as you would have them do to you.

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This verse has been becoming flesh in me. Forgive as you would like to be forgiven. Love as you would like to be loved. Encourage as you would like to be encouraged. Live the life that you would like to see others live in Christ. These are true words but accomplishing them  is easier said than done. The only way that I can explain to you how I'm doing this is by telling you that through my process I've faced situations where I know I should forgive but couldn't so I prayed and literally cried out with all my heart for God to do in me what I couldn't and I've failed miserably sometimes. But as time has past and I've matured in faith doing the impossible has become possible because the one who makes things possible is invading my heart and emotions more and more. Simple truths of maturing in Christ are prayer, fasting, and filling ourselves with God's Word. The gospel. Jesus. As you walk more and more you won't have to ask WWJD because His Word will slowly become flesh the more you read, fast, pray, and apply. 

There's one well known fact that we have all come to know and if you haven't trust, you will know: When we face hard times we come to know who our true friends are. I'm here to tell you that when you go through trials or you or someone you love stumbles you will realize who's a mature christian, who's not, and who never was.  Those that rebuke you in love and stand by your side by breathing Christ's redemptive power and loving grace into your life I would define as mature christians because though they too are walking in the process, the Spirit of God is at work in them revealing to them Christ-like character that is visible. The proof is in the fruit. I've been doing some things that are completely out of my character and human nature that I can only accredit to Jesus in me. I don't feel rejected and betrayed when everything in this world says I should. My culture says one thing but God's culture is above it all. I've talked to people who I thought I'd never talk to. I'm stepping into places I never in a million years thought I'd step into. And I feel peace when I really shouldn't. I really shouldn't. It isn't normal. It's God. Only God could do this!

Continual prayer has sustained me, I know. Talking to God when I wake, as I shower, in the car, between meals and classes, before bed, and during the night when I wake up and feel my spirit itching to be fed. Right now I'm battling for my best friend, praying that God's will be done in his life no matter what that looks like in God's eyes. In my eyes that picture should be so scary right now but any moment I begin to worry or he comes to my mind or I look up and see our bracelet I just pray. I don't want to block what God is doing so I pray for God's will to be done, for repentance and for a miracle. I can see that these months that I've spent specifically praying for him have been crucial because God is rearranging things not the way I wanted or would have planned but the way He knows is best. I'm thankful to have another friend who has gone through what I'm going through and is in prayer agreement with me and lifting me up and pouring out grace. I'm thankful for blessings in the middle of chaos and for love and forgiveness. My desire is to really reflect Jesus through this and while others abandon ship, I want to stand at the forefront. Even if someone doesn't know how to return love...just love like Jesus. I woke up reading The Word and the same part of a verse kept being confirmed during my morning. I'm taking a hold of it and battling through this. I encourage you today with Luke 18:1 that tells us that we should "always pray and not give up." Jesus said this. Don't give up! If an unbelieving cruel judge can be swayed by a persistent widow, will not our heavenly Father hear our prayers if Jesus made a way for us? He hears. Keep praying and let His picture be revealed in His timing. Don't lose heart. God bless and much love in Christ!

Bringing My Lamp & My Oil

(Matthew 25:1-4)

“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins 

who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 

Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones 

took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, 

however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 

The Lord has really been pressing in my spirit the story of the ten virgins toward the end of the Book of Matthew. Even though I continued to read ahead I always seemed to make my way back to that small passage in the 25th chapter. This is one of my favorite parables that Jesus taught just because it mirrors the church as His bride, Jesus as the bridegroom, and He gives us another little glimpse of what bringing His kingdom down to earth looks like. I got some info about the tradition of Jewish weddings online because I really wanted to understand the context of what Jesus was talking about: "In Jewish society, the parents of the betrothed generally drew up the marriage contract. The bride and groom would meet, perhaps for the first time, when this contract was signed. The couple was considered married at this point, but they would separate until the actual time of the ceremony. The bride would remain with her parents, and the groom would leave to prepare their home. This could take quite a while. When the home was all ready, the groom would return for his bride without notice. The marriage ceremony would then take place, and the wedding banquet would follow."

When I started to read, a picture was painted in my head of these ten young ladies, half careless and the other half expectantly waiting for the groom to arrive. I imagined their talks of what he looked like standing at the altar, of where they would live together, and when he was coming. I imagined them pacing back and forth looking out of the windows to be the first ones to run to His side. At this point he could be right around the corner or far off in the distance: It was a total surprise visit waiting to happen. For any girl it's hard to wait, can I get an amen? I can picture joy turning into expectancy, expectancy turning into impatience, and impatience turning into boredom. The young women became so tired of waiting that they fell asleep. When the bridegroom arrived at midnight to take the ladies to the banquet to celebrate, the ones that were prepared followed with their well-oiled lamps while the one's that weren't were left behind and denied entrance into the feast.

The details of this parable are so important. What the Spirit pressed in my heart was that the wise virgins that were prepared with their lamps and oil are a symbol of God's church being ready through the filling of His Word and His Holy Spirit. Psalm 119:105 automatically popped up into my head word by word and I was like yes Lord, I understand. But right after He revealed that the lamp was talking about God's Word He then spoke this strongly into my spirit: The ladies that were left out had their lamps but lacked the oil...that oil is my Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit to breathe a new revelation of God's Word into our lives we the church will not see the glory of Jesus manifested here on earth. This is like supplementing His signs and wonders for a Bible study. We need the combination. We can't have one without the other. It is His desire for all of His children to move in the power of the Holy Spirit. These ten women, symbolizing the church, knew that without the oil eventually the fire was going to burn out and they would not be able to see their bridegroom coming and would either miss Him or get lost trying to go out to meet Him.

(Psalm 119:105)

Your word is a lamp for my feet,
    a light on my path.

The Bible is the instrument that The Lord provides us with so that we can follow the path that He's marked out before us and His Holy Spirit is the source of power that is needed to turn keep the fire burning. His anointing in our lives is his seal of ownership because knowing the word alone won't do it, this just opens the door for religion. We need His Word + His Holy Spirit anointing in order to produce fire (power) in our lives.

(2 Corinthians 1:21-22)

Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. 

He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit 

in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

.

We have one of those antique oil lamps at home on top of our fridge that we've conserved for years for those stormy nights when the power goes out. I want to talk a little bit about the maintenance of an oil lamp. Humor me guys I promise it's important. After you've filled the bottom glass end with oil the wick (rectangular thick stringy thingy) has to be trimmed if it's been previously used because it's all burned up. In the the parable of the ten virgins I noticed that the moment the ladies heard that the bridegroom was coming they woke up and the first thing they did was trim their lamps. They had left their lamps burning the whole time that now the time came for them to re-fuel them with some oil and a clean wick. You know that moment when you read through something but then stop, make a curious face, and then read back again? That was my aha moment. I knew that this portion of was important somehow so I said, "Holy Spirit show me, explain why this is important." He likes to flood me and that's exactly what happened and continues to happen. Just like that "wick" our spiritual lives reach points of burn out when we're stuck on old revelations and past experiences when the Holy Spirit wants to give us something fresh and new. I've been there and gosh I'm sure we all have but what He spoke into my spirit was that we need to trim off the old burned up wick. We need to throw away what we think we know about God through what we've learned so far, to make room for Him to show up in our lives a new way. We need to throw out the window what we've heard of God and prepare ourselves for daily encounters. And I'm not talking about shutting out readings or men and women of God, not at all. But I am saying that living off of second hand information is scary and not enough. We need to have a personal relationship with God and then let second hand information serve as a compliment and as confirmation for what the Holy Spirit has already revealed to us first. Let's just let our bridegroom pay us a surprise visit. Let's be ready for that visit. I'm excited!

The Beginning Of True Worship: A Circumsized Heart

My Bible reading time is getting so good. I'm so close to The New Testament that I can taste it but the journey has been astonishing, slow paced but full of meditation. As I read through the books of Jeremiah and Ezekiel there was one similar focal point that I tuned into: God was telling these anointed men that what He most desired was the heart. The Lord went on to pour out prophecies about how He planned to recapture Israel's hearts, how He desired for His people to circumcise their hearts. God gave them so many literal examples and symbols for what true worship really was but they (with an exception of a few) never got it. The prophet Samuel understood this when he reprimanded King Saul for choosing sacrifices over obedience. David got it when he sang in one of his Psalms about how he finally realized that The Lord takes no pleasure in sacrifices and offerings, but instead, delights in a broken and contrite heart. For a while God used these literal expressions as a shadow of the true meaning of the beginnings of worship. Before anything else, God desires to have our hearts in His hand, because to give someone your heart is to give them all of you. Change came and God was behind this transformation, ready to reveal to all that what He was trying to do this whole time was win over their hearts. The few men that understood this did life with God: walked with Him daily, invited The Lord to be where they were, and followed The Lord wherever He wanted them to go. It's so easy to recognize a move of God when you spend intimate and public time with God. In your secret place as well as the grocery store, church, between classes, at work, and during lunch conversations. This is a picture of what doing life with God is and it all begins with a rendered, devoted, circumcised heart. You see, a circumcision removes the natural protective covering and what God was saying was this: for a while guys I asked you to circumcise your children because I was giving you a picture of what I really wanted and that was for that wall in your heart that you use to keep me out to be removed so that I could come in. God wants to come in to our hearts and dwell there. Worship first involves us giving our hearts over so that His Spirit may dwell there. When Jesus came He later gave the next revelation and that was this: guys, the temple was a symbol for a long time but now I've been sent by my Father to tell you that when I leave His Spirit will now not just be with you and in you...now He's gonna be upon you because your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The Lord tells us in The Book of Daniel that God is the revealer of mysteries and that He is.

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(Ezekiel 11:19-20) I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.

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My favorite example so far in The Old Testament of what a circumcised heart looks like would have to be in the life story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they're put on the spot and about to be thrown into a burning furnace because they refused to worship anybody/anything else but their God. I mean, I felt empowered as I was reading this.

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(Daniel 3:17-18) "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” 

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God loves and honors that heart that has let Him completely come in to the point of living a life that screams: My God is the living God and He can do anything for me but even if things don't work out the way I envision I will still love Him and keep my heart open to Him. God just can't resist this genuine heart because we were all created the same fierce and bold potential to love. This is the beginning of true worship that is born from doing life with God.

///Will You Still Worship When Your Usual Way of Connecting With God is Cut Off?///

The key that opens the door into God's presence is intimacy; It's a singular action that later turns into a plural activity. To have an intimate relationship of any kind there first has to be a connection, that bridge that allows communication between two Spirits. (John 4:24) tells us that "God is Spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth." When we feed our Spirit then our flesh, weak or strong, has to submit under the authority of Jesus. The case for me this week was weak flesh and a strong Spirit. I know when you first read that last sentence it sounds a bit bizarre or maybe a bit uppity but the Lord knows the details of my week and these days have truly stripped my flesh off to only reveal my Spirit. In past seasons I've had to battle through my flesh getting in the way of my Spirit's purpose and I continue to struggle with this of course but God had something new to teach me this week. The battle that I had to face required me to solely depend on the strength of my Spirit Man: I had been feeding Him with word, music, preachings...etc. and now came the time to see the fruit of that. I have seen the fruit and the words that were declared did not return void.

Sunday night, the Lord gave me a dream: I saw myself at a party of some kind. For some reason I was there helping out and I went outside and started walking toward my Mom's SUV. When I was about to open the door I felt someone following me so I turned around and saw a young man walking up behind me. I locked the car and asked the guy if I could help him with anything and before I knew it he pulled out a gun and shot me. He just walked away after this and disappeared behind a wall. I felt myself fall to the ground and land on grass but I didn't feel the bullet penetrate me. I was shocked by this but instead of panicking I began to declare, "I cover myself with the blood of Jesus...The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want He makes me lie down by green pastures and leads me beside still waters..." And then the guy comes back, pulls out his gun, and shoots me over and over again. The more I declared The Word the angrier he got and the angrier he got the more he shot. The bullets couldn't touch me. There was like a force field blocking the bullets. The word of God became my faithful shield. I didn't know it then but God was preparing me for what was going to come and clearly He showed me that I was going to have to declare His Word through this spiritual warfare.

My voice was just gone for almost the whole week and if you express your worship to God through singing like I do then you know how horrible, horrible, that really feels. How impotent I felt when the guitar was being played. Every chord made my heart leap and my lips quiver with anxiousness. Day after day I drove in my car with only my hand raised up and my mouth tightly sealed. The Holy Spirit was there in that moment and saw my heart. It even began to drizzle so all I could do was smile. I felt in my Spirit so strongly that the enemy was not going to hear one complaint, nor one reproach, and he especially was not going to cause confusion as to why this was happening to me. My worship was not going to be defined by what I lacked, but rather, what I had. God loves it when I sing to Him but He loves me so much more. That's it right there! He wants us so so so much more than anything else we can offer Him. The way I was approaching and confronting this situation wasn't something I was doing with the intention of just receiving healing...it was about all my love being offered in the palm of my hand to my good and faithful God in the midst of difficult circumstances. I desperately wanted Him to know that I would worship and love Him no matter what I was going through...I wanted Him to just love my heart...I wanted to make Him smile.

 I didn't even have to memorize this scripture because once I read it, it was engraved in my Spirit. Spending the night on the couch far from my room could have provoked my frustration but instead I took my pillow, blanket, my Declaration Scriptures Notebook, and Bible and read until my eyes couldn't read another word. I declared (Jeremiah 17:14) after The Lord showed me this scripture as I was reading my Bible. What is used to harm us God can use to benefit us. It will work for your good if you're called to God's purposes. Will you still worship?

Make another connection and if that one is taken away make another and then another. If your voice is gone use your hands and if your hands are gone get down on your knees. If you can't dance pray and if you can't pray then converse in your mind with your God. Make a connection. In the natural you may not be able to sing so let your life be your song or maybe you can't physically bow down so let your every step be in full surrender to God. Don't let anything steal your worship because while you see it's tangible form, God see's its spiritual form. Will you still worship?

His Rain Falls When We Prepare Our Hearts

 I want to talk about those times when we lead or participate in a praise and worship service in which we feel that God's presence just didn't move. We compare one service to another or one season to another and find ourselves playing the blame game: Yup it was that out of tune guitar, those loud drums, the tired vocalists, and definitely those new songs. It's easy sometimes for us to concoct some crazy-wild explanation for something so simple. I've even found myself saying, "Lord, why? These people needed You to show up...I was dying for You to show up." I don't know if any of you can relate but this is a horrible feeling. You come home and think that you just wasted your time and even worse that you just wasted God's time and probably made Him tear up a bit from how awful that whole service turned out. I've been there and it's because I've been there that I've sought out my Lord's council. I love how he speaks into my heart so clearly. There are specific moments when I've just felt God laugh and I'm pretty sure when I've talked to Him about these things He's been just balling out, shaking His head, ready to just cradle me because the answer is so simple.

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(Song of Solomon 1:6) 

Do not stare at me because I am dark,

    because I am darkened by the sun.

My mother’s sons were angry with me

    and made me take care of the vineyards;

    my own vineyard I had to neglect.

(Song of Solomon 2:10)

My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me.

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What The Lord revealed to me was that we, His children, are the ones who carry His presence and He confirmed this with His Word that says that we are the Temple of The Holy Spirit, His church. We're suppose to be putting the "C', "H", "U", "R", "C", "H" in "church". The only way to do this is through our relationship with God. He is always able to move but we also have the calling to release what He has freely given us. His Spirit is waiting to be releases but if we don't feed our spirit's how can we accomplish this? It's about talking to our Father because His Holy Spirit is with us and longs to be upon all of us, it's about getting into His Word for a fresh and new revelation, and it's about intimate prayer and worship behind closed doors when no one is looking. God is tired of His unfaithful bride who is ravished by many lovers. In Jeremiah 3 The Lord tells His people that "the showers have been withheld, and no spring rains have fallen" because of their unfaithfulness. God uses the words prostitution and unfaithfulness to describe our desire to seek another's council and even our own;He refers to anything that occupies the first place in our hearts. 

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(Jeremiah 2:13)

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
    the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
    broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

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Do we not do this today? We lean on our own past understanding and at some point stop overflowing because we've traded fountains. We think we can survive with what we know but those moments are when we need The Lord the most. Only He can see a heart naked as it is. When He says He wants a worshiper in spirit and in truth, this is what He's referring to. He longs for His worshiper to lay beside Him and hear His heartbeat and the only way for us to do this is to cultivate that relationship. Sometimes we reach moments where we hide our faces from The Lord and sink back. He's calling out. Talk to Him. He just wants to talk to us. He just wants to love us. Our wells can't hold water but His can. He doesn't want us to struggle or get frustrated anymore. When you prepare your heart's garden He will walk in and spend time with you. Because you know Him He will listen and because He knows You His Spirit will be upon you ready to be released.

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(Psalm 132:7-8)

“Let us go to his dwelling place,
    let us worship at his footstool, saying,
 ‘Arise, Lord, and come to your resting place,
    you and the ark of your might.

//We are that resting place that 

The Holy Spirit longs to dwell in.//

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 "Learn to steward God's presence in stillness, not just in corporate worship." 

                                                                                           

                                                                                            —Steffany Gretzinger

When we do this through intimate time with The Lord our services and corporate gatherings will be in continuous overflow. His signs and wonders will be there. The fullness of His Spirit is the key and that key can only be given to us through spirit taught knowledge that comes from the secret place. My secret place sometimes looks like a locked room with soft Bethel or Ihop music playing in the background, or a locked bathroom with me kneeling at the foot of the tub, a car ride, or gardening time outside. The one thing that all these locations have in common is that I am alone with God in order to seek Him. You don't need anything fancy just a place where you can cultivate that relationship with God behind closed doors so that when you do life in the open you will be walking in the fullness of His Spirit and that rain will fall no matter where you find yourself.

Out In The Garden

“A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust.”   —Gertrude Jekyll

“God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars.”                          —Martin Luther

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.”                                  —Anne Frank

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Somewhere between then and now I've developed a love for gardening, planting seeds, watching plants grow and become fruitful, and long walks. The Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much about life and how He desires me to live it. He reveals to my heart my Father's heart and has shown me what and how my Father feels. I've always said this and I will continue to stand by it: God wants to do life with us. We are His church and no matter where we go the Holy Spirit of our Lord is there to teach us something fresh and new. As my hands reach for the soil and as my feet place pressure on the shovel my spirit receives a lesson; as I struggle to protect my plants from harmful insects and as I build fortifications around my fruit plants a lesson is learned. The Holy Spirit speaks to us in any language necessary. 

Perfume: Personal Aroma

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We all have a scent that we release. God has given each and every one of us a special one-of-a-kind aroma. When you speak, sing, dance, laugh, cry, and walk you're releasing a scent to those around you. Do you release peace or anxiety, joy or sadness, confidence or insecurity, sweetness or sourness? Whatever kind of scent that you're releasing it affects the people around you and the spiritual atmosphere. If we release security then those around us will feel secure, but if we release fear then those around us will sense this and latch on to that fear. What scent do you release?

^{(2 Corinthians 2:14-17)} But thanks be to God, who 

always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal 

procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the 

knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the 

pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being 

saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are 

an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma 

that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike 

so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. 

On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God 

with sincerity, as those sent from God. NLT

This verse is a perfect example of Worship. It's a continual overflow of giving love back and forth. This verse tells us that we are a pleasing aroma that God loves and likewise we are a sweet fragrance, an essence of Him, here on this earth. Our lives are a pleasing perfume that we offer up onto the Lord and His pure essence our one desire. His presence. When you smell a bottle of perfume that you really like it's almost as if for a moment you take a trip into a garden. When we encounter God and find ourselves immersed in His presence we experience the same effect. It's that place that nobody can describe but that we know all too well. That secret place. When I sing and for a moment close my eyes and lift up my hands and call on His name I'm there with Him and He's here with me. Not only does this happen during my intimate time with the Lord but Sunday afternoons, though we sing for up to three hours, time flies and moments pass by in the blink of an eye because my aroma has floated up to my Daddy and He's pouring all of His fragrance down on me. Those moments are so crucial in both the quiet times and the corporate times. The word of God could not have compared our encounters during worship any better than to a sweet perfume. This type of atmosphere is what we should try to create in our churches. It's not just about singing a few songs and speeding off to the Word...it's about enjoying the trip along the way. Enjoy God's presence and let yourself be taken over by the Holy Spirit. Whether you've got an amazing worship leader or pastor or not, perceive the Holy Spirit moving in and around you and jump in. If you're like me and find yourself up on the altar leading, singing, or playing an instrument then just know that you have a personal perfume. What you feel and think people can spiritually smell (perceive). When you're up there on stage do you denote confidence, love, security, passion, or mixed emotions? Something that still helps me to this day is what one of my School of Psalmist's Instructors taught me,

"Wherever you find yourself and in front of whoever you find yourself nobody knows what you're thinking but you. If you're nervous nobody knows it but you until you show it through your expressions and actions." So let all the insecurities go and depend on God's strength. He has given you the authority. Spread the sweet smell of confidence as you do your corporate Worship service, concert, gathering...etc. Share with others that same perfume that you share with the Lord so that they too can be engulfed in the Lord's presence.

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So let this be our perfume:

(2 Timothy 1:7)For God has not given us a spirit of fear 

and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 

{Power}

{Love}

{Self-discipline}

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