Change & Growth

I am officially 21 years old. My birthday was on September 13th and the Lord gave me the same gift He gives me every year: a rainstorm. I woke up at 6:00 AM to the sound of rain hitting my window. My family and my fiance and I had dinner and it was honestly a really nice day. I have so much gratitude in my heart and God is the number one reason. My life is in no way "perfect" but I've learned that our focus determines how we live. If we focus on having "the perfect life" we'll never truly be fulfilled because God sent us to this world with a mission and it wasn't to simply be happy and comfortable nor to strife for our own pleasure. Fulfillment and joy is in walking in what God has called us to. Only each of us knows what that thing is. The Word phrase that jumped out at me during my morning Bible read was, "run in such a way as to get the prize." Only I know my crown so only I will understand what my prize and run are all about and no one else. It's been quite a season of learning to hold firm to God's promises no matter what tried to make me let go and walk away. God gave me peace and joy during the storm and then at the end He gave me the ultimate letter of confirmation. This recent season was a huge faith season to the point where I truly had to believe the still small voice was His without proof to show those who criticized it. I thank God I went through it but I also thank God it's over. Will it get harder? Oh I'm so sure it will because the calling isn't a game. The Holy Spirit is training us to walk through the valleys of darkness and rescue those who are bound there and hidden behind prison walls. I'll never forget this season. But a new time is coming and it's here actually. This next season I feel like God is going to grow me. My roots will sink deeper and my flowers will bloom.  Change has not been an easy subject for me and I've gone through a lot of that lately...a lot. My fiance and I are helping to lift up a new church band at a local church and we're serving there right now (me vocals and him on the instruments). I've gotten to truly meet some of the church members and the pastors and honestly there's so much genuine love there to the point that I feel like if I'm seeing Jesus and his love face to face. I've never witnessed this and that's sad for me to say but it's true. These people open their home to the least of these and give more than what they have to help others. It's a beautiful sight. Daniel's living arrangements have changed so he lives a little farther and I'm about to start doing my practicum hours at The Family Church with Celebrate Recovery and hopefully with the church therapist. So many new things and new people are coming into my life and it's working for good. I'm staying prayed up and clinging to my morning Bible time because I know that I'm going to need a bigger anchor for the bigger boat that God is giving me.

Focus On The Promise Through The Journey

Sometimes, when we've been walking through our journey for so long we can end up losing the focus of our actual destination. God gives us a promise, but when more time than we were expecting passes, it becomes harder to see "it". We question, we cry out, we even lose hope for a sec., but we never give up. I've always had a saying ever since I gave my life over to Jesus and encountered Him: There's no turning back anymore no matter what, no matter how hard it gets my only option is to move forward.

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward."  -Martin Luther King Jr.

God never said the journey of this life would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worth it! -Max Lucado

I've been asking God the same question over and over and over again for quite some time (years) and today I was just stopped by Him. He reminded me of a prayer I made when I was 15 years old and how He answered the beginning of it during that time. To me the little sign I asked God for at the end of my prayer was just a quirky inside joke between me and God, but he answered it. I joke with what I ask and He jokes by responding super quick. You see, the problem is that I expected that my whole prayer list would be answered and packaged up to be delivered to me all at once, but God's ways were different. He said it would be given to me but He didn't say when or how. My journey to the promise has been a rough one, I can't deny it, but I have come out a stronger woman who God intends to make stronger.

One Winter day during the Festival of Dedication, Jesus was confronted by the Jews who were also walking along in the temple courts. They surrounded Jesus and asked him "how long" he planned on keeping them "in suspense" and to just tell them "plainly" if he was the Messiah. While I was reading this story this morning in John 10:22-30 I knew without a doubt in my mind that God was talking to me. I had been crying out asking God to please just speak to me in such an obvious way because I couldn't get it, but He said to me that He already answered my question many times but I just wasn't seeing what He wanted me to see. I just wasn't getting it. When I started my walk toward the promise I was so sure, but then things got so scary bad that I let my gaze become foggy. I felt frustrated like those Jews did (of course I wasn't going to stone my Savior but I let anger and confusion get the best of me) because though they had heard the promise of Jesus' coming written in scripture, they let their gaze become foggy by what was said to them:the scriptures said that a Messiah was coming in a humble manner but it didn't say his name or the fact that he was going to be a carpenter's son.  The promise was delivered to them in different circumstances than they had expected in their hearts so they closed up their hearts and refused to see that God was living among them. The signs and wonders made it obvious but to believe meant that they had to be closer to faith and farther from their expectations. I knew that I couldn't take my anger and frustration out on my God, so instead...I took it out on the promise. That's a big no,no. I was so busy comparing my walk to others and asking God why others were happy with their promise fulfilled while mine seemed to be getting crazier and even more unpredictable. The thing is: God is not a cookie-cutter God, so He created individual people with individual stories. It's easy to buy into a one-for-all solution but that's just not true. We have to seek God's counsel directly from Him and then wait for His confirmation (through His word, dreams, people...etc). This whole week my seeking an answer for my question really escalated, and I see now as I write this that God has been answering me. Every morning with what I've been reading in the Word He's been answering me. It all connects. How God showed me in the Book of Genesis that he had to open Hagar's eyes to see the well of water so that she wouldn't let hopelessness in the middle of the dessert kill her and her son Ishmael, how God protected and cared for Ishmael as his only Father after he was rejected and sent away as God's plan to create him into a strong nation, and also how God looked into the heart of Rebekah and predestined her to be the wife that would say yes to an unpredictable marriage to Abraham's son Isaac. God spoke to me in detail about these stories all week long and finally I understand. Jesus was obviously the Messiah and my answer has been obviously staring me in the face for years. Jesus' answer to the Jews in the temple was this:

(John 10:27-30) My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

I am so sure of my salvation in Jesus and that He abides in me and I in Him by His grace alone, therefore my ear is in tune to what He's saying. The devil sometimes wants to make us doubt that, actually, the enemy always wants to make us doubt that because His mission is to kill, steal, and destroy us. I truly believe that Jesus wasn't just answering the Jew's questions...He was making a bold statement and letting the devil know that what belonged to the king of kings could not be taken from Him even by the thieve of thieves. We belong to Jesus and the devil has no right to touch us and our God who is greater can not be over-powered. I realized that the reason that I haven't responded to the many voices around me for years telling me to go this way and that way is because I've been fleeing from the other. I was once told a great truth: the devil takes no breaks and shows no mercy. He will use whatever he wants to use in order to kill you because your purpose threatens him. That goes for all of us. The enemy has tried to make me believe that I'm crazy for not listening to who I "should" listen to, dumb for "failing" those who I shouldn't, or just plain disobedient and worthy of receiving God's punishment when that is not true. Because the people around me have also seen the dessert that I have walked through with my promise in hand, they give advice out of hopelessness when I have been called to walk by the amount of faith that God has given to me. My walk is mine, entrusted to me by God and nobody will ever confuse me enough to snatch it from me. I am to complete my mission until I see the fulfillment of what God has promised me. I encourage everybody who reads this...stand strong and firm in the faith. Keep pressing forward with your eyes focused on the promise as you walk this life-long journey. May faith arise and I pray that hope sustain us through.

Embracing The Unexpected

 

I haven't written anything in a long while but life has continued and I know it's the perfect time to return. I've missed this. The whole morning and hours to follow I could feel my Lord calling me to approach Him, to spend time with Him, to soak up His presence. Last night I grabbed a hold of my Bible, ran downstairs with Cody (our new puppy), found my pencil pouch that contains my highlighter and pen collection, and finally got to sit down on the living room couch. As I hugged my Bible tightly, I said a quick prayer (too excited and expectant I guess) and asked the Lord to speak whatever He wanted me to know. Without even thinking about it, the Holy Spirit brought to me one name: Joseph. I was like, huh? And again I felt it in my spirit. By then I was already flipping through pages and finding my way to the first chapter in the Book of Matthew. There I began to read about Joseph. 

This young man who loved God so much fell in love one day with a young God-fearing woman named Mary. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her so he asked for her hand in marriage and the pledge was made and they were happily married. Before they even got to come together as newlyweds, Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant. I can only imagine the heart-ache, fear, and anger that was eating him alive. He loved Mary so much that He was even willing to divorce her secretly so that they both wouldn't have to suffer public humiliation and ultimately so that she would not be stoned to death. What Mary alledged was proposterous because it had never happened before...someone being impregnated by the Holy Spirit. Joseph's world was crumbling down and he thought Mary was crazy. Right when he was thinking about backing out he had a dream, a God moment, that changed everything. God's message to Joseph was to "not be afraid to take Mary home as [his] wife, because what [was] conceived in her [was] from the Holy Spirit." God was telling Joseph to not abort his God-given assignment because this blessing in disguise was going to change the world. 

God clearly spoke to me and said, Deya, do not be afraid to accept the challenge, this blessing in disguise, that I am giving you just because it doesn't look like what you envisioned. Because just like verse 22 reads: "all this (the public humiliation, doubt, and heart-ache) [is taking] place to fulfill what I the Lord [have] said." There have been things that we as God's children will have to face, challenging and hurtful, that are not meant to hurt us. These things are meant to give us a hope and a future. For me it's my relationship and my family but for you it might be something else. The love is there but times are tough and the enemy does not give the past any rest. Don't you dare give up (I am definitely preaching to myself here). What will come out of this hard thing is a blessing beyond measure. If you know God has spoken something to you and He has confirmed it then keep moving forward with your eyes fixed on Jesus, knowing that you are carrying something or someone that is near and dear to God. It's important. It won't always be easy and we might stumble but God is with us. God is with us!

(Psalm 73:26) 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

We Are Young But God is God

I've got nothing.That's a scary thought. When you feel like you have nothing to say. Like you can't explain how you feel. It's moments like these when we've got to inject ourselves with what God says. When we fill ourselves with truth suddenly our outlook on life changes. When we worship God on a daily basis with our song, with our dance, with our thoughts, with our bodies the God of all creativity begins to pour himself out on us. It's easy to get distracted and then just run with the motions of life even in our relationship with God but we can not forget that if we were created in His presence then it is only there with Him that we can come to life. For He is the God of the living. When you and I start to feel dry or like we have nothing more to offer it's time to draw near to our Lord, sit at the table and start talking. Invite The Holy Spirit to be with you no matter where you are. He's just waiting for your invite. Whatever darkness there is in us is like light to God and the more time we spend with Him the more He will invade. Wherever you go, invite the Holy Spirit and whether it is good or bad He will reveal these things to you, but you've got to let Him in to every detail of your life. Sometimes I feel like a broken record repeating myself but really the moment we realize that only a relationship with God will give us direction and the answers we need is the moment we will no longer depend on second-hand information. We can't depend on man to give us answers no matter how much revelation they have because God created us individually to have an individual relationship with each of us. 

I've learned something along my walk that I want to share with you. What The Holy Spirit has shown me is that when it comes to the children of God, He will never use a person to tell us something that He hasn't already been revealing to us first. Anything or anybody that gives us a word after that is only to serve as confirmation. So I encourage you to build your relationship with God deeper and deeper so that you become rooted in Him and won't be tossed back and forth like the wind by teachings and pretty words. Your spirit discerns what is of God and what isn't so we've got to listen carefully and be sensitive. I've walked away from so called "amazing opportunities" not because I'm crazy or scared but because God hasn't given me the green light. People of God have actually told me, "if you're waiting for an angel of God to descend from heaven and tell you to go, you're gonna be waiting all your life." I couldn't help but smile because I never thought...craziness, just craziness. You see I could have rationalized what they were saying and just gone along because these people in the natural sense are older, people of God, and dangling recordings and youth pastor titles for me in my face, but my spirit man was uneasy and rejecting this screaming no!!! in my heart. God has clearly spoken to me in the past and has confirmed things to me so for this to be said tells me this: there is no relationship with God or the relationship has grown cold. We have to learn that things aren't always what they seem and neither are people. Be on your guard always because in all reality it's not people we need to to guard ourselves from, it's the enemy who is standing right behind. For our battles are not against flesh and blood.The things of God are being done with the absence of His spirit and that right there is scary. His Word tells us that His people are destroyed because they lack knowledge. We can memorize scripture all we want because it's a powerful tool that we need but only the Spirit of God can reveal to us the exact word that we need for the present season. So while we're busy storing up we also need to listen and let God do the writing on the tablet of our heart.

*~*~*

(Luke 4:1-2) 

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by 

the Spirit into the wilderness, where for forty days 

he was tempted by the devil.

*~*~*

So, when you and I are full of the spirit we will be led by the spirit. The Holy Spirit was upon Jesus in overflow mode. Full of the Spirit Jesus entered a different kind of season where all that His father had revealed to Him was about to be put to the test. For 40 days Jesus had to put up with Satan's lies. I imagine Satan taunting Him during the day and trying to scare Him during the hours of the night. I had a dream once about a year ago that I want to share. There was a spiritual battle going on in my room that I couldn't see with my eyes but I could clearly feel and discern with my spirit. I felt a heavy presence in my room surrounding me that would not let me sleep. I got a sudden urge to cover up my feet and I knew this feeling from a few years back when a battled with this because I was not right with God. This time I knew that me and God were together and I was right with Him so I had no explanation for it. I literally began to think I had done something wrong but I shut that lie out quick. A few years back I would have run to my mom's room and asked her to pray and sleep with me but I had matured in the faith since then and I knew this was something I had to take before the Lord because I had to learn to depend on Him. I must have been 18 or close to 19 years old when this happened so remember we are not defined by our age but by our walk with God. I wasn't fully baptized with the Holy Spirit yet so I couldn't begin to battle in the spirit and talk in tongues like my parents so I did what I had always seen my mom do and rebuked the devil out loud and declared that I was covered by the blood of Jesus. A peace instantly filled my heart and I was convinced that God was right there with me. I'm pretty sure before I closed my eyes I had to have asked God to reveal the unknown to me because I drifted off into a dream. In this dream I could see myself sleeping on my bed but suddenly I felt uneasy because surrounding my bed was this huge lion, roaring and pacing back and forth at the edge of my bed. I was so scared and freaking out inside but all of a sudden, and I just can't forget this: all of a sudden I heard a peaceful, deep, resounding voice that spoke to me, "It's okay, go back to sleep. The enemy can do all he wants to try to scare you but he can't get on your bed and he can't touch you." In my dream I fell asleep after hearing God's voice. I knew it was my Jesus reassuring me that He was watching over me. That's the best picture that I can use to describe having peace in the middle of a storm.

We see later three examples of how the enemy tried to tempt Jesus' flesh but because Jesus submitted His flesh to God through fasting and prayer He rejected the lies. How He rejected the lies is what excites me the most! I'm giddy literally! Seriously that's the first time I've used that word. I get a lot a bit passionate about Jesus. Anyway...He just smacked the smirk off Satan's face! The difference between the devil and Jesus is not found in knowing the Word because Jesus is the Word and Satan knows the Word because He used to worship Him. Satan threw out scriptures but Jesus threw out revealed scriptures. Full of the Holy Spirit Jesus spoke the Word that God wanted Him to know for the exact moment. There will always be times when we are bombarded by verses but only through a relationship with God can we come to know which applies when. Spirit revealed knowledge of God's Word is what will silence the noise around us that tries to drag us back and forth. The same God of yesterday is today and what He did then He continues to do today. The amazing miracles that Jesus did are being done today through His Holy Spirit and I've seen it. Never forget:

*~*~*

(1 Timothy 4:12) 

Don’t let anyone look down on you because 

you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, 

in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

*~*~*

Do you know what God is saying to us all right here?! Look, it doesn't matter how literally old or young you are or how little or how much spiritual maturity you have at this point in time...here and now I have called you to be an example! I have called you to be a light and shine bright on a stand regardless of whether others think you're worthy or not. They didn't call you, I did. They didn't anoint you, I did! Your God, your Creator, your savior, and redeemer. I'm here with you, walking along the same narrow road by your side shaping you along the way. So be an example to everyone who's watching, especially to your brothers and sisters in the faith. Let me change the way you talk, act around others, the way you love, the way you believe in me, and let me help you stay pure and be my holy bride here on earth. You just have to let me. Because I want to kill those old habits that hinder you from walking straight with me. I want to show you real freedom that doesn't come from a tattoo or from walking around YOLO ing everything. Just come to me I am your way, your truth, and your light. Don't forget why I saved you! There are lost souls and weary believers who need you to wake up and depend on my strength. You are young but I am who I am. So if I am who I am let all that I am change you. Let all that I am be enough for you. I desire with all my heart for people to be encouraged by your words and not tripped up. Stop trying to just get by and see how much you can get away with before it's considered a sin. Let me show you freedom. You don't need to talk like everyone else does to be heard, mu authority is enough and will get it done for you. A half truth won't change anybody because it's a lie. I want to put the whole truth that I am in you. Give out that truth and people will never be the same and will forever be changed. I desire for others to see the way you act when you're at church, at school, at work, or anywhere else and say I can see God! That will change lives! I want to show you what love really means so that you make no exceptions or preferences and so that even those who dub themselves unlovable come to know me through you. They will know forgiveness because I will give you a supernatural measure that will leave people baffled and knowing that it could only be Me in you. I'm going to show you that you can trust Me so that your faith will increase and like a child you will believe everything I tell you so that you won't be quick to run after the voice of the other. As your faith pleases Me My glory will invade and my kingdom will be established in you and through out the earth. I want to use you! Lastly, I know you can't stay pure without me in a world that promotes impurity and that is why you need to be fully baptized in my Holy Spirit. I did not bring you this far so that you could run away or give in, be bold! My Holy Spirit will teach you what is right and true so that those around you will not stumble by looking at your life but will look and be inspired to keep moving forward. You may be young but I am still God.

*~*~*

(Luke 10:18-21) 

He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. 

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions 

and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. 

However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice 

that your names are written in heaven.” At that time Jesus, full of joy 

through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven 

and earth, because you have hidden these things from the 

wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 

Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

*~*~*

College Life, Dreams, & Such Things

 So far school has been interesting. Good. Great. Pretty awesome. The evening classes are new for me and I am so not used to that but throwing something different into something usual can turn out great. I don't want to turn into a what if person so every now and then why not pray through a season and then try something new, challenging, unknown? The great unknown. If I could describe my college career from the very beginning I would have to say that it's felt like an adventure. I've ventured into the great unknown with my lamp and oil following The Lord's guidance, discerning His voice, and recognizing the right open doors. Many doors will be presented but we have to know which one's are right for us and the only way to know is to be in communion with the Father. I can't say it enough. Doing life with God and God doing life with us is beautiful and what Jesus gave His life for. Before my Abnormal Psychology class started this morning I arrived early, sat in the auditorium, and continued to read through the Book of Matthew. I wanted to just jump out of my swivel chair when I read that my Lord was betrayed and sold for 30 pieces of silver. That number will forever be etched in my heart, mind, and soul. I just had a moment. I was in a lecture hall and had an intimately public moment with my Lord. This is totally off subject but I just have to throw it out there...His life He gave to pay for our ransom and though the price tag placed on Him was insulting He never put a price tag on our lives. Yup I had a moment.

Anyway, now that I've managed to throw so many details (which I really do love and I'm sure there's a point to them) out there I do want to share some pictures that have been becoming more and more clear. After graduation, when The Lord spoke to me about trading up my intended architecture career for the career He had in store for me, a new journey in my life began. Before then I was saved and in love with Jesus, spending all my time in church and stuff but I felt an abrupt turn of the wheel in my spiritual vehicle. I felt The Lord saying that that season of my life was good and necessary but it was a stepping block for what was to come. I felt Him strongly say that now in the next season's He was going to show His love for me differently because spiritual maturity was going to have to come. Every season after in some way was going to be about me learning to trust Him more, and more, and more, and even more. In the moment I was like, "Ok Lord, awesome!" Now that I look back...boy I totally understand what He was saying. The picture has become clearer and clearer. So I let go of my dreams, which were only based on my talent and experience. You'd think that it would be hard to walk into something blind, as many would say, but it wasn't. Have you ever heard the expression, love is blind? I was so in love with Jesus that it was easy to let to. His love is blind to the eyes but clear to the spirit. A few years back I wouldn't have listened, I would have rebelled but God won my heart over in His perfect timing. So The Lord caught my attention during a career day when I went in to listen to an Occupation Therapist speak. I was like, "Lord, no! What are you doing? You know I'm bad at science...how could I ever do anything medical? That was one of the first times I felt God smile and laugh at me. Clearly in my heart I heard Him say, "Do you trust me?" I gave Him one of my usual nods and kept listening to the speaker and after ran and told my counselor and teachers that I was switching careers. I went to a small academy so everybody knew everybody basically. They were all shocked, knowing all the previous plans I had made. I had already won scholarships. The trust seasons began. It's been a journey. The Lord has been leading me almost like through a trail of breadcrumbs. He caught my attention and then I walk through the next door, giving Him all the glory now in everything accomplished. He first caught my attention with OT which then lead me to major in Rehabilitation (super broad field) with a concentration in addictions and a minor in Spanish. The Holy Spirit and I have diligently worked and toiled, and now the next door has opened. The next breadcrumb has been set before me.

{Journal Entry Excerpt: September 21, 2013} Raw, messy, and all my heart and I.

"...A professor/super cool director came to do random pop-ins in the rehab classes to talk about a Master's program in Texas Tech University (Lubbock Texas y'all) called Marriage & Family Therapy. As she was explaining...The more words she said the more "that feeling" rose and traveled from my spirit to my heart. The same feeling that I got junior/senior year during the career day thinga-ma-bob. The Holy Spirit saying this is the next door go, go, go! God told me from the very start not to worry, that all I had to do was work up until the next door that opened and so on. He was right. He always is. Trusting Him with my (using "my" so lightly) career has been easy because I've seen the fruit day, month, and year after year. I wasn't sure to go for my Master's or not deep down but this woman literally said, "Don't you even think about not going to graduate school just because you don't have the funds, we will do everything we can to help you." She talked about the great need they had for Hispanic counselors: bilingual and bicultural. I felt peace in my heart, knowing this is it, sitting there, looking up and thinking: I hear you God. It's like I've been walking and wondering what would come after (would I get my master's in Rehab even though it doesn't feel right, like this isn't it) and God answered. I feel so good right now. Though I respect the Rehab Master's program and its amazing labor with DARS, something inside me knew that that wasn't my fit. I love seeing God restore lives and the fact that He would lead me into a career like that makes me feel honored and loved and yeah, special. I know I wanted to work with the youth and families through counseling and intervention. I know God put that desire in me from the start for a reason."

I'm a junior. I graduate in 2015. The next door came early in my timing but just right right for God. He knows what He's doing. I have about two more years before this decision takes place. The moving 632 miles from home thing is crazy for me for many reasons but I trust God with my now and my future. I guess if you get anything out of this post know that falling in love with God makes you realize that the waiting periods of your life aren't meant to be suffered, but to be dearly loved. Work on trusting the Lord, it's a process and one day you'll look back and understand. Enjoy your day guys! I'm off to class! Another pebble in the stepping stones of life.

Bringing My Lamp & My Oil

(Matthew 25:1-4)

“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins 

who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 

Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones 

took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, 

however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 

The Lord has really been pressing in my spirit the story of the ten virgins toward the end of the Book of Matthew. Even though I continued to read ahead I always seemed to make my way back to that small passage in the 25th chapter. This is one of my favorite parables that Jesus taught just because it mirrors the church as His bride, Jesus as the bridegroom, and He gives us another little glimpse of what bringing His kingdom down to earth looks like. I got some info about the tradition of Jewish weddings online because I really wanted to understand the context of what Jesus was talking about: "In Jewish society, the parents of the betrothed generally drew up the marriage contract. The bride and groom would meet, perhaps for the first time, when this contract was signed. The couple was considered married at this point, but they would separate until the actual time of the ceremony. The bride would remain with her parents, and the groom would leave to prepare their home. This could take quite a while. When the home was all ready, the groom would return for his bride without notice. The marriage ceremony would then take place, and the wedding banquet would follow."

When I started to read, a picture was painted in my head of these ten young ladies, half careless and the other half expectantly waiting for the groom to arrive. I imagined their talks of what he looked like standing at the altar, of where they would live together, and when he was coming. I imagined them pacing back and forth looking out of the windows to be the first ones to run to His side. At this point he could be right around the corner or far off in the distance: It was a total surprise visit waiting to happen. For any girl it's hard to wait, can I get an amen? I can picture joy turning into expectancy, expectancy turning into impatience, and impatience turning into boredom. The young women became so tired of waiting that they fell asleep. When the bridegroom arrived at midnight to take the ladies to the banquet to celebrate, the ones that were prepared followed with their well-oiled lamps while the one's that weren't were left behind and denied entrance into the feast.

The details of this parable are so important. What the Spirit pressed in my heart was that the wise virgins that were prepared with their lamps and oil are a symbol of God's church being ready through the filling of His Word and His Holy Spirit. Psalm 119:105 automatically popped up into my head word by word and I was like yes Lord, I understand. But right after He revealed that the lamp was talking about God's Word He then spoke this strongly into my spirit: The ladies that were left out had their lamps but lacked the oil...that oil is my Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit to breathe a new revelation of God's Word into our lives we the church will not see the glory of Jesus manifested here on earth. This is like supplementing His signs and wonders for a Bible study. We need the combination. We can't have one without the other. It is His desire for all of His children to move in the power of the Holy Spirit. These ten women, symbolizing the church, knew that without the oil eventually the fire was going to burn out and they would not be able to see their bridegroom coming and would either miss Him or get lost trying to go out to meet Him.

(Psalm 119:105)

Your word is a lamp for my feet,
    a light on my path.

The Bible is the instrument that The Lord provides us with so that we can follow the path that He's marked out before us and His Holy Spirit is the source of power that is needed to turn keep the fire burning. His anointing in our lives is his seal of ownership because knowing the word alone won't do it, this just opens the door for religion. We need His Word + His Holy Spirit anointing in order to produce fire (power) in our lives.

(2 Corinthians 1:21-22)

Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. 

He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit 

in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

.

We have one of those antique oil lamps at home on top of our fridge that we've conserved for years for those stormy nights when the power goes out. I want to talk a little bit about the maintenance of an oil lamp. Humor me guys I promise it's important. After you've filled the bottom glass end with oil the wick (rectangular thick stringy thingy) has to be trimmed if it's been previously used because it's all burned up. In the the parable of the ten virgins I noticed that the moment the ladies heard that the bridegroom was coming they woke up and the first thing they did was trim their lamps. They had left their lamps burning the whole time that now the time came for them to re-fuel them with some oil and a clean wick. You know that moment when you read through something but then stop, make a curious face, and then read back again? That was my aha moment. I knew that this portion of was important somehow so I said, "Holy Spirit show me, explain why this is important." He likes to flood me and that's exactly what happened and continues to happen. Just like that "wick" our spiritual lives reach points of burn out when we're stuck on old revelations and past experiences when the Holy Spirit wants to give us something fresh and new. I've been there and gosh I'm sure we all have but what He spoke into my spirit was that we need to trim off the old burned up wick. We need to throw away what we think we know about God through what we've learned so far, to make room for Him to show up in our lives a new way. We need to throw out the window what we've heard of God and prepare ourselves for daily encounters. And I'm not talking about shutting out readings or men and women of God, not at all. But I am saying that living off of second hand information is scary and not enough. We need to have a personal relationship with God and then let second hand information serve as a compliment and as confirmation for what the Holy Spirit has already revealed to us first. Let's just let our bridegroom pay us a surprise visit. Let's be ready for that visit. I'm excited!

It's Finally Here!

I'm officially 2 decades old! Gosh! If that statement doesn't make me feel old I don't know what will. I've pre-written this and scheduled it so I'm not really the birthday girl until Friday September 13th, when y'all actually get to see this post. This is the day a dream, an idea, birthed out of the heart of God came to be. From the secret place I said farewell and see you soon to my heavenly Daddy and was sent to earth to my family. I'm so grateful. I feel into loving, Godly arms. It's a quiet gratitude that is slowly but surely spilling over year after year, day after day, moment after moment. Every year on this day I say I feel the same but I feel and look different. I'm just not the same. I've been molded. Shaped. Torn. Re-made. The little girl I once was is no more but I like this girl so much more...she's been touched by God. She's like clay in the Potter's hands. What word's of wisdom can I say other than these: Ahhh...it's been quite an unbelievable journey and the path has been narrow. Things (special as well as hurtful) I've had to leave behind to follow the path toward my sweet Jesus. It's been a different kind of freedom along this path, one that I would not trade for anything. It's freedom to truly live and love. The "things" that I've left behind do not compare to the love and security I feel knowing that no matter what God is with me. I've learned that though the walk may seem lonely at times in actuality it's so not because the whole time Jesus is walking right beside us, our gaze often lingers elsewhere though. I've learned that earthly relationships (family, friends, special someone) are temporary so it's best to show the love of Christ while we can because when we've freely been given love it's only natural for us to freely give it back. I've learned that walls are terrible things to build between us and God and that every day is a new day to let God tear them down, do some lovin', so they never go up again. God makes all things beautiful in His perfect timing. Time is not ours but God's, and I like it better that way. I like Him being in complete control. I'm feeling pretty reflective right now so...

How bout I promise to post some fun updates this weekend?

I promise. Updates to be continued on this post Saturday.

God bless!

-Deya

*~*~*

-Updates-

I spent a fun quiet evening with my Mom, Dad, and sister. They asked if I wanted a party as usual but I just wasn't feeling it. I just wanted to soak in so many new things with those who have truly been with me since day 1. I really loved talking with my parents at the table, opening an unexpectedly hidden present, reading the Word of God together, having a B-B-Q under our roof as September rain made its grand entrance. There were so many things for my to thank God for. One of my favorites was weighing in on my birthday and realizing that I had shed 6 lbs in four weeks. That was a good moment. The process. The process. God just makes it all work out.

That Place.

(Lamentations 3:57) You came near when I called you,

    and you said, “Do not fear.”

That place where words just aren't enough so all there is to say is a big bunch of silence. That place where you simply sit quietly and wait for an answer, a touch, something...anything at all. God is in that place with us. Just like there are noticeably glorious moments there are also subtle moments of God's glory being released: you can't quite see those and you can't quite feel those. Those moments are silent but full of life. Combine every single one of those moments in your life and you'll realize that you were never quite the same after them...we're forever changed by God's subtle touch. We don't have to be afraid, God is near. We were created to be in relationship with our Father. That place of intimacy, of stillness, of just not having all the answers...it's ok...God is there and He likes being there with us.

///Will You Still Worship When Your Usual Way of Connecting With God is Cut Off?///

The key that opens the door into God's presence is intimacy; It's a singular action that later turns into a plural activity. To have an intimate relationship of any kind there first has to be a connection, that bridge that allows communication between two Spirits. (John 4:24) tells us that "God is Spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth." When we feed our Spirit then our flesh, weak or strong, has to submit under the authority of Jesus. The case for me this week was weak flesh and a strong Spirit. I know when you first read that last sentence it sounds a bit bizarre or maybe a bit uppity but the Lord knows the details of my week and these days have truly stripped my flesh off to only reveal my Spirit. In past seasons I've had to battle through my flesh getting in the way of my Spirit's purpose and I continue to struggle with this of course but God had something new to teach me this week. The battle that I had to face required me to solely depend on the strength of my Spirit Man: I had been feeding Him with word, music, preachings...etc. and now came the time to see the fruit of that. I have seen the fruit and the words that were declared did not return void.

Sunday night, the Lord gave me a dream: I saw myself at a party of some kind. For some reason I was there helping out and I went outside and started walking toward my Mom's SUV. When I was about to open the door I felt someone following me so I turned around and saw a young man walking up behind me. I locked the car and asked the guy if I could help him with anything and before I knew it he pulled out a gun and shot me. He just walked away after this and disappeared behind a wall. I felt myself fall to the ground and land on grass but I didn't feel the bullet penetrate me. I was shocked by this but instead of panicking I began to declare, "I cover myself with the blood of Jesus...The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want He makes me lie down by green pastures and leads me beside still waters..." And then the guy comes back, pulls out his gun, and shoots me over and over again. The more I declared The Word the angrier he got and the angrier he got the more he shot. The bullets couldn't touch me. There was like a force field blocking the bullets. The word of God became my faithful shield. I didn't know it then but God was preparing me for what was going to come and clearly He showed me that I was going to have to declare His Word through this spiritual warfare.

My voice was just gone for almost the whole week and if you express your worship to God through singing like I do then you know how horrible, horrible, that really feels. How impotent I felt when the guitar was being played. Every chord made my heart leap and my lips quiver with anxiousness. Day after day I drove in my car with only my hand raised up and my mouth tightly sealed. The Holy Spirit was there in that moment and saw my heart. It even began to drizzle so all I could do was smile. I felt in my Spirit so strongly that the enemy was not going to hear one complaint, nor one reproach, and he especially was not going to cause confusion as to why this was happening to me. My worship was not going to be defined by what I lacked, but rather, what I had. God loves it when I sing to Him but He loves me so much more. That's it right there! He wants us so so so much more than anything else we can offer Him. The way I was approaching and confronting this situation wasn't something I was doing with the intention of just receiving healing...it was about all my love being offered in the palm of my hand to my good and faithful God in the midst of difficult circumstances. I desperately wanted Him to know that I would worship and love Him no matter what I was going through...I wanted Him to just love my heart...I wanted to make Him smile.

 I didn't even have to memorize this scripture because once I read it, it was engraved in my Spirit. Spending the night on the couch far from my room could have provoked my frustration but instead I took my pillow, blanket, my Declaration Scriptures Notebook, and Bible and read until my eyes couldn't read another word. I declared (Jeremiah 17:14) after The Lord showed me this scripture as I was reading my Bible. What is used to harm us God can use to benefit us. It will work for your good if you're called to God's purposes. Will you still worship?

Make another connection and if that one is taken away make another and then another. If your voice is gone use your hands and if your hands are gone get down on your knees. If you can't dance pray and if you can't pray then converse in your mind with your God. Make a connection. In the natural you may not be able to sing so let your life be your song or maybe you can't physically bow down so let your every step be in full surrender to God. Don't let anything steal your worship because while you see it's tangible form, God see's its spiritual form. Will you still worship?

Top 10 Favorite Quotes From "When Heaven Invades Earth"

I finished the book! The quotes that I want to share have provoked me, stirred me up, and have also served as confirmation for me in this season. I really LOVED reading this book, in fact, my highlighter agrees. Neon pink, green, and yellow cover up almost every sentence of every page. I definitely recommend this read especially for those of you who have a hunger for more of God and who have a passion for seeing His kingdom displayed all over the earth. 

*~*~*

Bill Johnson's "When Heaven Invades Earth"

1. "Resistance to change is a resistance to the nature of God. Because the winds of change are blowing, it will be easy to distinguish between those who are satisfied and those who are hungry. Change brings to light the secrets of the heart."
2. "We lack understanding of who we are because we have little revelation of who He is."
3. "Being involved in the supernatural through spiritual gifts is what makes the invasion effective. The kingdom of God is a kingdom of power! We must be in pursuit of a fuller demonstration of the Spirit of God."
4. "Daniel discovered early on the power of holiness. He was unwilling to eat the king's delicacies. Separation to God is demonstrated in personal lifestyle, not associations. He could not control his surroundings...Many Christians prefer to work in a Christian business, attend Christian meetings, and isolate themselves from the very people we are left on the planet to touch in His name."
5. "The Bible is not a book of lists that confine or corral God. The Word does not contain God—it reveals Him."
6. "I was not left on planet earth to be in hiding waiting for Jesus' return. I am here on a military representative of heaven."
7. "Intimacy with God is our strong suit. Never allow anything to distract you from this point of strength."
8. "If the Father filled the Old Testament houses with His glory, though they were built by human hands, how much more will He fill the place that He builds with His own hands! He is building us into His eternal dwelling place."
9. "My hunger for His power is only surpassed by my desire for Him. It's been my pursuit of Him that has led me to this passion for an authentic gospel. Something happened in me that won't let me accept a gospel that isn't backed with signs and wonders."
10. "A glass is only full when it overflows. Fullness can only be measured by overflow."

A Season Of Seeking Out The Hidden Things

When we find ourselves secluded theses are the seasons where one on one with The Holy Spirit we grow and mature. There is always a lesson to be taught and learned. I find myself in this season right now and The Lord is who He says He is. Faithful and true, holding my hand and walking me through. After some adjustments in my life The Lord revealed to my heart and placed this scenario before me: "There is a bus that is taking you and others to the next season and you got on early. Better to be the first one on than the last because the last ones to get on I had to push and force so they come hurt, scared, and confused. This is a season of seeking out the hidden things." I've been hearing this in my Spirit and then came God's word to confirm His spirit taught words to me:

*~*~*

(Isaiah 26:20) 

Go, my people, enter your rooms 

and shut the doors behind you; 

hide yourselves for a little while 

until his wrath has passed by.

(Isaiah 45:3) 

I will give you hidden treasures, 

riches stored in secret places, 

so that you may know that 

I am the Lord, the God of Israel, 

who summons you by name.

(Isaiah 48:6-7) 

You have heard these things; 

look at them all. Will you not admit them? 

“From now on I will tell you of new things, 

of hidden things unknown to you. 

They are created now, and not long ago; 

you have not heard of them 

before today. So you cannot say, 

‘Yes, I knew of them.’ 

*~*~*

I've been what feels like the last one on the bus and it is not pretty...it hurts. I thought my wounds were going to kill me but my Lord healed me and only the scars remain. I never understood the scripture that reads that God wounded us but now He would heal us until I encountered these seasons. God raises a banner and calls out to us but sometimes we hesitate for too long and enter a zone of false comfortability. And then He is forced to drag us because He loves us and can not sit there and watch us miss the prepared table that He has set before us. The confusion and pain won't last forever because our God is faithful and will bind our wounds and wipe our tears. There is rest in knowing who we are in Christ and what God wants us to really do. We will never be able to fit a man-made mold. That yoke is too heavy and only brings us neverending burdens. They are burdens disguised as servanthood obedience and kingdom obligations but God will not permit His loved ones to be fooled. 

*~*~*

(Psalm 127:1-2) 

Unless the Lord builds the house,

    the builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

    the guards stand watch in vain.

2 

In vain you rise early and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

    for he grants sleep to those he loves.

*~*~*

Just two Sundays ago I had this vision during the service while the team and I were worshiping in song and what I saw was a beautiful treasure box. I felt my Lord's excitement. He wanted His people to open it. He desired for us to open it. I say "us" because He longs for all of His children to want more of Him. To be curious and child-like in our Daddy's spiritual matters. This makes Him happy. The treasures of our Father's heart are found through communion and relationship with prayer, worship, and reading scripture in spirit and in truth. 

There are things that I've had to step away from because God is dealing in His way with those things and desires to keep me on His track. Those "things" in the natural seem good and should have God's stamp of approval because they are ministry related and done in His name but God's ways are higher and so much sweeter. Can anybody say amen?! Some people won't agree but that's OK, the murmurs just have to roll off your back. In the secret place with The Lord and with the support of those around you who can truly perceive the move of God this period of time will bring a new revelation of who God says you are. In this season, unlike other past seasons, it was easy for me to let go and move with the Spirit of God because I know He's going to teach me something good. I've tasted this very fruit in the past and I've seen God's goodness and the joy that overflows from His dwelling place.

On another note, My Summer II Mexican American Lit class officially starts tomorrow and I couldn't be any more excited. My best friend is also teaching me to play piano, something a few seasons past I thought would be impossible. My excuse was that I'm not a good multi-tasker but God just laughs at my excuses and hugs me before sending me on my way. I've been reading through The Bible so much to the point where it's been a day long thing sometimes. I know I won't always have that kind of time so this season is so important to and for me. It's a step back in order to step in. A hungry heart The Lord cannot resist and that's my purpose in this time...to love on my God and to rest in the fact that my Beloved's desire is for me.

\\\\The Spirit Knows Best: Breathing Once Again////

*~*~*~*~*

Exhaustion...a product of over working one's self to the point of running out of energy. To find joy in these moments, however, is not that hard for this girl. Yes, the girl there to the side really wishes there were hot chocolate in her mug but no, no, she can't have that, so instead...water. Water. Anyways, what I really wanted to get to is a little of what's been going on. I know I've been posting a lot of updates lately but there's a lot going on in this girls life. I mean, finals in themselves have been mind boggling and crazy. Never in my college career have I had a harder semester. Has it been worth it though? Yes. I know the Lord has me right where He wants me. Though it may be hectic attending Pan Am and Psalmist school I enjoy the moments of triumph and learn from the times of perseverance. The best part of doing life with God is knowing that your part is the natural and His is the supernatural. I study and He keeps me awake. I get psycho-stressed and He makes me laugh or moves someone to call me up and shake me back into all things sane. The Lord is...my everything. Honestly, if God does call you to do something He will get you through it victoriously. Never settle for anything less than that. We may stumble, but the word says we can no longer fall because the Lord's hand will sustain us. My last final was supposedly today but when I showed up and walked into a dark auditorium I began to question myself. I called up my Music Appreciation Prof. (because he's cool like that) and asked what was going on. And so there I figured out that there was no final because he counted our last exam as such. You can imagine how I felt right? Ecstatic! And once that wore off and reality set in, I wanted to just fall to the floor and cry. It was relief with a hint of frustration. God bless the Lord's heart for allowing me to live only fifteen minutes away from my University, seriously I was in need of some bed time. For some reason as tired as I may be there is always one thing that I'm not too tired for: writing. Imagine that? How can something that takes so much thought be relaxing?

There. Exactly right there is the connection that I was trying to make.

Times are tough. Some days brighter than others. And no, no I'm not going to say, "but the Lord is there with you," though it is true. What I will say is this: It is possible to love what is unlovable, enjoy the unenjoyable, and find peace in the midst of chaos. Our mind says go, go, go because when stress kicks in our brain is programmed to run without looking back. Right then and there is exactly when we should stop. Right when your mind says, "but look at the time," you should be hitting the floor on your knees and seeking the Lord's peace and strength. Your spirit knows better than your flesh, though your flesh thinks it knows it all. Spiritually we break chains when we let Jesus be the anchor that stops us from drifting farther and farther out to sea. Listen to your spirit and the Lord will glorify Himself, I am living proof of that for sure.