Seeking God & Journaling This Morning

I woke up around 7:00 AM this morning as I usually do to take my puppy Cody outside. I usually wake up even early so needless to say, great morning. I made my self some Nopalitos (cactus) and egg, prayed, and then went back upstairs to my room. I grabbed a hold of my Bible and as always, asked the Lord for what He wanted to share with me today. As I began to read I couldn't help myself...I had to go for my journal. After I did some writing and meditating I was so fired up that I knew I had to share my journal entry with y'all. So here it is, just as I wrote it. The Holy Spirit was just pouring out the Father's desires on my heart all morning. Freedom is a beautiful gift that comes with great responsibility.

God, through salvation in Jesus Christ, has given me [FREEDOM]: 

The state of no longer being imprisoned or enslaved to receive 

the power and right to act, speak, or think as I want without hindrance or restraint.

But God says: Let me show you what to do with my freedom that is now yours. 

I am completely paraphrasing what the Lord showed me this morning in 

(1 Corinthians 10:23-24).

Don't seek what's good for you, but instead, 

go after what's good for others. 

Even though I have given you the right to do anything, 

not everything is beneficial nor constructive. 

Not everything makes personal and social 

well-being possible to result in good. 

Not everything promotes improvement 

and development in order to build up.

Follow me on Instagram @deyacavazos13

College Life, Dreams, & Such Things

 So far school has been interesting. Good. Great. Pretty awesome. The evening classes are new for me and I am so not used to that but throwing something different into something usual can turn out great. I don't want to turn into a what if person so every now and then why not pray through a season and then try something new, challenging, unknown? The great unknown. If I could describe my college career from the very beginning I would have to say that it's felt like an adventure. I've ventured into the great unknown with my lamp and oil following The Lord's guidance, discerning His voice, and recognizing the right open doors. Many doors will be presented but we have to know which one's are right for us and the only way to know is to be in communion with the Father. I can't say it enough. Doing life with God and God doing life with us is beautiful and what Jesus gave His life for. Before my Abnormal Psychology class started this morning I arrived early, sat in the auditorium, and continued to read through the Book of Matthew. I wanted to just jump out of my swivel chair when I read that my Lord was betrayed and sold for 30 pieces of silver. That number will forever be etched in my heart, mind, and soul. I just had a moment. I was in a lecture hall and had an intimately public moment with my Lord. This is totally off subject but I just have to throw it out there...His life He gave to pay for our ransom and though the price tag placed on Him was insulting He never put a price tag on our lives. Yup I had a moment.

Anyway, now that I've managed to throw so many details (which I really do love and I'm sure there's a point to them) out there I do want to share some pictures that have been becoming more and more clear. After graduation, when The Lord spoke to me about trading up my intended architecture career for the career He had in store for me, a new journey in my life began. Before then I was saved and in love with Jesus, spending all my time in church and stuff but I felt an abrupt turn of the wheel in my spiritual vehicle. I felt The Lord saying that that season of my life was good and necessary but it was a stepping block for what was to come. I felt Him strongly say that now in the next season's He was going to show His love for me differently because spiritual maturity was going to have to come. Every season after in some way was going to be about me learning to trust Him more, and more, and more, and even more. In the moment I was like, "Ok Lord, awesome!" Now that I look back...boy I totally understand what He was saying. The picture has become clearer and clearer. So I let go of my dreams, which were only based on my talent and experience. You'd think that it would be hard to walk into something blind, as many would say, but it wasn't. Have you ever heard the expression, love is blind? I was so in love with Jesus that it was easy to let to. His love is blind to the eyes but clear to the spirit. A few years back I wouldn't have listened, I would have rebelled but God won my heart over in His perfect timing. So The Lord caught my attention during a career day when I went in to listen to an Occupation Therapist speak. I was like, "Lord, no! What are you doing? You know I'm bad at science...how could I ever do anything medical? That was one of the first times I felt God smile and laugh at me. Clearly in my heart I heard Him say, "Do you trust me?" I gave Him one of my usual nods and kept listening to the speaker and after ran and told my counselor and teachers that I was switching careers. I went to a small academy so everybody knew everybody basically. They were all shocked, knowing all the previous plans I had made. I had already won scholarships. The trust seasons began. It's been a journey. The Lord has been leading me almost like through a trail of breadcrumbs. He caught my attention and then I walk through the next door, giving Him all the glory now in everything accomplished. He first caught my attention with OT which then lead me to major in Rehabilitation (super broad field) with a concentration in addictions and a minor in Spanish. The Holy Spirit and I have diligently worked and toiled, and now the next door has opened. The next breadcrumb has been set before me.

{Journal Entry Excerpt: September 21, 2013} Raw, messy, and all my heart and I.

"...A professor/super cool director came to do random pop-ins in the rehab classes to talk about a Master's program in Texas Tech University (Lubbock Texas y'all) called Marriage & Family Therapy. As she was explaining...The more words she said the more "that feeling" rose and traveled from my spirit to my heart. The same feeling that I got junior/senior year during the career day thinga-ma-bob. The Holy Spirit saying this is the next door go, go, go! God told me from the very start not to worry, that all I had to do was work up until the next door that opened and so on. He was right. He always is. Trusting Him with my (using "my" so lightly) career has been easy because I've seen the fruit day, month, and year after year. I wasn't sure to go for my Master's or not deep down but this woman literally said, "Don't you even think about not going to graduate school just because you don't have the funds, we will do everything we can to help you." She talked about the great need they had for Hispanic counselors: bilingual and bicultural. I felt peace in my heart, knowing this is it, sitting there, looking up and thinking: I hear you God. It's like I've been walking and wondering what would come after (would I get my master's in Rehab even though it doesn't feel right, like this isn't it) and God answered. I feel so good right now. Though I respect the Rehab Master's program and its amazing labor with DARS, something inside me knew that that wasn't my fit. I love seeing God restore lives and the fact that He would lead me into a career like that makes me feel honored and loved and yeah, special. I know I wanted to work with the youth and families through counseling and intervention. I know God put that desire in me from the start for a reason."

I'm a junior. I graduate in 2015. The next door came early in my timing but just right right for God. He knows what He's doing. I have about two more years before this decision takes place. The moving 632 miles from home thing is crazy for me for many reasons but I trust God with my now and my future. I guess if you get anything out of this post know that falling in love with God makes you realize that the waiting periods of your life aren't meant to be suffered, but to be dearly loved. Work on trusting the Lord, it's a process and one day you'll look back and understand. Enjoy your day guys! I'm off to class! Another pebble in the stepping stones of life.

In Pursuit of True Love

*~*~*

An unending love I seek.

A beloved with whom my heart can beat.

To feel complete.

To overflow.

An unending true love I seek.

That which this world can not offer.

For that I hunger.

I ran and ran to look for love.

I searched and searched with no one to hug.

I was tossed around by the wind.

Then suddenly I fell into true loves first kiss.

Heaven and earth once again met.

Outstretched arms held me tight.

I lifted up my eyes.

My best friend.

My lover. My prince. 

All in one.

I will pursue Him with all my love.

*~*~*

(Hosea 2:14) 

“Therefore I am now going to allure her; 

I will lead her into the wilderness 

and speak tenderly to her.

(Hosea 2:16)

“In that day,” declares the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’;
    you will no longer call me ‘my master.

(Hosea 2:19-20)

I will betroth you to me forever;
    I will betroth you in righteousness 

and justice, in love and compassion.
 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
    and you will acknowledge the Lord.

 I'm browsing through my Itunes and listening to some songs by Bethel, Eunice Rodriguez, and United Pursuit. Busy busy but a good break does the heart some good. I've been thinking...

True Love. I want this so bad. Whether God has someone in the future for me or not I hit a place in my heart where I just said, Lord I'm going to love you regardless, I'm going to worship you regardless. When we're called to God's purposes all of the crazy, messy, beautiful, and just plain odd things will come together in the end for our good. His word says it so I believe it. I've seen it before so why would any other case be different? I'm in the pursuit of true love. I want to constantly keep the fire burning in my heart so that the joy of my salvation never fades. And trust, things have tried to burn out my handy dandy candle. What The Lord has been placing in my heart is that He is my husband. This really hit me hard. For so long I wanted someone to touch when all this time that special someone was walking right beside me. I'm married. Bam! Right? It was like He was saying: Be faithful to me, I'm your best friend, be a friend back because it's my utmost desire to be with you. My love life???...hmmm...I want God to be my love life right now. I want the well and I need the well right now, not a bucket. I'm in pursuit of true love and the definition of love is my sweet Jesus. He's The One I need right now. Some days these words resonate while other days my heart aches because of what my heart wants but in that wilderness, in that visible solitude God is at work. The moment we feed our Spirit Man He takes over and our heart is at peace and the way we perceive our surroundings changes. I pray for a mind renewal in the wildernesses of our lives and for true love to come forth. That's a good place to start, falling in love with The Lord. And if we're already head over heals in love, let's go further and deeper. There's no end. There's always more we can give and there's always more we can be given.



"The wilderness will contain our greatest difficulties,
but also some of our most glorious experiences."

                                                                                                      

                                                                                               -Rick Joyner 

The Details

Rain, rain...my hair and clothes would like you to go away but you do my heart so much good. I love how God paints the sky, it's different every single time. Every morning, afternoon, and evening that I either drive to or from school I can't help but stare at what has lately been cloudy skies. Maybe it's my love for painting that causes my eyes to focus in on every color. Maybe. I'd like to think a little deeper than that though. Could it be that my spirit recognizes the artwork of my Father? I think that nature is a slice of God's beautiful heart. I couldn't help but feel so much more than good as I sat on a bench on the second floor of the Rehab building and watched rain trickle and then spontaneously pour down right in front of my eyes. It was like an unexpected crescendo of rain that made my heart and soul feel just right. When I witness little things like this I just feel God smiling and nudging me as if to say, "a few minutes ago that could have been you running frantically to take cover but I held it up just for you. Love you." Because God delights in the details of our lives I delight in His details. You can imagine how I was feeling as I was reading my Bible App before class on a cool day with the sound of rain tapping against old brick walls. If I could visualize a spiritual harmony that would be it for me right there. My favorite moment of the week so far. I love what I'm studying, I love it so much. At first I was like, God what on earth are you doing? But I see why He loves this and why He wanted me to love it too. I can't wait to put all the puzzle pieces together. The journey though is the best part. Gotta love it!

(Psalm 37:23) The Lord directs the steps of the godly.

    He delights in every detail of their lives.

What I've Been Up To: Past & Present

It's one of those days. Indecisive skies, one minute cloudy with signs of rain and the next too sunny to handle. That's the Valley for ya! Today was my last day of summer school so I bid farewell to Mexico's Contemporary Lit. and all of it's fascinating Novelas. I want to share a blog post that I planned on sharing weeks ago but I just couldn't find the right time or moment. It'll help make more sense of what I want to get at.

{Excerpt} ///The past two weeks have been interesting. Let's just say they involved one can of beach glass paint, a few trips to Lowes, long nights spent with my best friend in the world, my sister hiding in my closet on the only patch of carpet left, the living room turning into my bedroom, and me crashing on the couch with two pillows and my corral-colored blanket. It all started the week I got sick and after that my Dad made the decision to get rid of the carpet; However, while my family and I just let the idea roll off our backs my friend told my dad he'd take it out himself. He did. I love him so much. Lord knows him and I were expecting wooden floors after the drastic change but because of finances that project has been on hold. So here I am now lying down in my comfy bed tonight with bare wood left after being stripped of it's old carpet. I must say though that the view of the lights flashing outside my window and the stars slightly above are gorgeous. Really. It's been a long time since I've stopped and looked. Sometimes God leads us into peculiar situations, uncharted territory, only so that we can stop for a little while and enjoy the view. My nights spent on the couch had their reward too: midnight Bible readings by the lamp next to my momentary "bed" and getting to watch the moon through the half circle window above the front door. All these changes made me think of how one small, seemingly insignificant event, can become a catalyst for something big. I'm learning to love and appreciate the small, the lowly, the underestimated. God works wonders with these sorts of things. It reminds me of how much He would insist that Israel's armies be as small as possible. God is easier to see when the loud background is faded out. What I've been learning is that the good, the bad, the ugly, and the just plain weird are a way of God saying "I'm still here." Those small things that you can't seem to find joy in are going to cause something bigger to show up and the right door will open because God is faithful...He is full of faith. When God asks us to have faith in order to see Him He's asking us to place Him above all else as number one in our hearts, with single-hearted devotion.///

Joining past and present thoughts now. I drove up in my Dad's Dodge truck (borrowed momentarily) today after school and walked inside the kitchen to find a medium can of white paint waiting for me on the table. Let's just say that after the second day of painting my friend and I made a few slip ups (oops lol). We finished though, kinda, and that's what counts. Goodbye dark pink and hello beach glass! My floor still isn't set up but my parents decided to put my bed in anyways because I think they were starting to feel so bad about me sleeping on the couch. So I am now in my room, on my bed, sipping jugo de jamaica (jamaica juice), with a grateful heart. In a bit I'm probably going to watch Hallmark Movie Channel (because I love their sweet movies) or wedding shows on TLC while I paint, go for my night run, and then get in some Bible reading time that I'm craving so much of.

A Season Of Seeking Out The Hidden Things

When we find ourselves secluded theses are the seasons where one on one with The Holy Spirit we grow and mature. There is always a lesson to be taught and learned. I find myself in this season right now and The Lord is who He says He is. Faithful and true, holding my hand and walking me through. After some adjustments in my life The Lord revealed to my heart and placed this scenario before me: "There is a bus that is taking you and others to the next season and you got on early. Better to be the first one on than the last because the last ones to get on I had to push and force so they come hurt, scared, and confused. This is a season of seeking out the hidden things." I've been hearing this in my Spirit and then came God's word to confirm His spirit taught words to me:

*~*~*

(Isaiah 26:20) 

Go, my people, enter your rooms 

and shut the doors behind you; 

hide yourselves for a little while 

until his wrath has passed by.

(Isaiah 45:3) 

I will give you hidden treasures, 

riches stored in secret places, 

so that you may know that 

I am the Lord, the God of Israel, 

who summons you by name.

(Isaiah 48:6-7) 

You have heard these things; 

look at them all. Will you not admit them? 

“From now on I will tell you of new things, 

of hidden things unknown to you. 

They are created now, and not long ago; 

you have not heard of them 

before today. So you cannot say, 

‘Yes, I knew of them.’ 

*~*~*

I've been what feels like the last one on the bus and it is not pretty...it hurts. I thought my wounds were going to kill me but my Lord healed me and only the scars remain. I never understood the scripture that reads that God wounded us but now He would heal us until I encountered these seasons. God raises a banner and calls out to us but sometimes we hesitate for too long and enter a zone of false comfortability. And then He is forced to drag us because He loves us and can not sit there and watch us miss the prepared table that He has set before us. The confusion and pain won't last forever because our God is faithful and will bind our wounds and wipe our tears. There is rest in knowing who we are in Christ and what God wants us to really do. We will never be able to fit a man-made mold. That yoke is too heavy and only brings us neverending burdens. They are burdens disguised as servanthood obedience and kingdom obligations but God will not permit His loved ones to be fooled. 

*~*~*

(Psalm 127:1-2) 

Unless the Lord builds the house,

    the builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

    the guards stand watch in vain.

2 

In vain you rise early and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

    for he grants sleep to those he loves.

*~*~*

Just two Sundays ago I had this vision during the service while the team and I were worshiping in song and what I saw was a beautiful treasure box. I felt my Lord's excitement. He wanted His people to open it. He desired for us to open it. I say "us" because He longs for all of His children to want more of Him. To be curious and child-like in our Daddy's spiritual matters. This makes Him happy. The treasures of our Father's heart are found through communion and relationship with prayer, worship, and reading scripture in spirit and in truth. 

There are things that I've had to step away from because God is dealing in His way with those things and desires to keep me on His track. Those "things" in the natural seem good and should have God's stamp of approval because they are ministry related and done in His name but God's ways are higher and so much sweeter. Can anybody say amen?! Some people won't agree but that's OK, the murmurs just have to roll off your back. In the secret place with The Lord and with the support of those around you who can truly perceive the move of God this period of time will bring a new revelation of who God says you are. In this season, unlike other past seasons, it was easy for me to let go and move with the Spirit of God because I know He's going to teach me something good. I've tasted this very fruit in the past and I've seen God's goodness and the joy that overflows from His dwelling place.

On another note, My Summer II Mexican American Lit class officially starts tomorrow and I couldn't be any more excited. My best friend is also teaching me to play piano, something a few seasons past I thought would be impossible. My excuse was that I'm not a good multi-tasker but God just laughs at my excuses and hugs me before sending me on my way. I've been reading through The Bible so much to the point where it's been a day long thing sometimes. I know I won't always have that kind of time so this season is so important to and for me. It's a step back in order to step in. A hungry heart The Lord cannot resist and that's my purpose in this time...to love on my God and to rest in the fact that my Beloved's desire is for me.

Easter Day Journaling

I awoke. 

The Holy Spirit spoke. 

I wrote.

<<<-My Spirit Hit The Floor Running Thanksgiving Day->>>

12:00AM

 I lay awake, talking on the phone with my friend. Right after we hung up I literally fell asleep, literally. With my cell by my side and my pillow drenched in sweet dreams, at last my body fell into a deep deep slumber.

6:00AM

Seldom do I wake up at such an early time. Little rays of light shined through my window, tickling my eyes. I rose to my feet and thanked the Lord for so many big and little things. Quiet: the perfect ambiance for some intimate time with God. Can somebody say "Soul Food"? I piled up my three notebooks, huge water bottle, and Bible in my arms and crept downstairs toward the couch in our living room. I really felt like my Spirit was just crying out and saying, "Feed me Deya, feed me!" Pages and pages later, I journaled for a bit and finally got into the word. I wanted to cry as I read the life of David as I approached the end of the second book of Samuel. After some amusing conversations with my God, my Mami (how we say mom in Spanish) came downstairs and we ate a yummy breakfast. A nice sandwich comprised of whole grain bread, ham, lettuce, tomato, avocado, mayo, and mustard. This may not be your typical breakfast but it's part of the healthy meal plan that thanks to God I am now following. Tips to come!

2:00PM

The smell of turkey, stuffing, gravy, and green-bean-casserole filled the air and floated up the stairs and into our three bedrooms. The four of us gathered around the table, agreed as we came together in prayer, and ate my Mami's amazing food. It was so good! We laughed, reminaced, and then laughed some more!

5:00PM

And the crazy back and forth driving began! First stop, my Abuelita (grandma) Yolanda's house which is ten minutes away in Mission. We drove back to our old neighborhood, past our first house and seven houses later, parked in front of my Abuelito's (grandparents's) House. My little sister, mom, dad, and I walked in, abrasando y saludando (hugging and saying hello with a custom side cheek kiss), all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I love our culture and I love how God just transcends all culture to define and receive us. Because we had eaten at home I just grabbed a teeny slice of pumpkin pie while laughing my head off with my cousin Genesis. I hadn't seen her in forever since she took off to Texas A&M in the Fall. They officially converted her and I couldn't help but laugh and throw it in her face as we chuckled and loudly spilled over the couch making our usual references to Transformers Movies, (apparently only we do this) "Don't talk to me don't talk to me criminal!" I missed my Prima (cousin) so much! Before we had to leave to head on over to our second stop I got to say Hi to my cousin Laura, a news anchor for Telemundo 40, so that was cool too. I honestly had a great time as strange as it felt revisiting the roads that use to break my fall as I fell when learning how to ride my bike, that use to be targets for setting fire to fireworks in a glass bottle on Año Nuevo (New Years).

8:00PM

Second stop: Abuelita Marta's house. Here abraze y salude, I smiled, giggled, cried, and prayed. My Tia (Aunt) Chio has been bed bound for a while now with Cancer. Just like my Mami she's an amazing Woman of God with faith that can move mountains. All twenty of us gathered around her, held hands, as my Papi (Daddy) and then Mami led us in powerful prayer. We're all believing God for her recovery and restoration because we've seen and have experienced first-hand what the Lord can do if we dare to believe. We all know that the case is not the same for everyone but as Believers we know that God prepares his people for what is to come, revealing to us that which is hidden. Through dreams we have all seen my aunt walking, talking, and giving testimony of her experience. Even my grandma of my dad's side of the family has dreamed her. I can't even fathom what the Lord has in store for my Tia but like Jobe she will be restored and overflowing in blessing because not once did she complain nor deny her God, her Lord and Savior. We serve the living God who's hand is not too short to save. I believe it!

*~*~*~*~*

Ahhh, what a beautiful Thanksgiving this was.

Journal Excerpt {Halloween}

Sitting on a wooden bench, on the third floor of the Education Building at school, I felt compelled to write. I needed to get my thoughts down on paper, on anything really, but facebook just wouldn't do: I needed something momentarily private, something that I could stare at and meditate on for a good while before my next class. So here's my unedited heart, spilled out onto a single  sheet of notebook paper.

*~*~*

 Think of the person that you love most in this world. Who is she/he? Now picture this scenario: There's a person who's always trying to make your loved one look bad, hurts those that your loved one holds dear. That person invites you to his/her party. Do you go? This is how I view everything—God is my Father, the one who's always been there for me. Why would I celebrate something that's used to hurt His heart? When you don't have a relationship with God everything you see is {rules, religion, more rules...Why this? Why that?} When you have a direct relationship with God the questions and answers no longer matter because you would drop anything in a minute for the one who chose to give it all for you. It doesn't matter what everyone else does. Who cares? Be different and don't be ashamed of it! I choose not to celebrate halloween, not because of the candy or the costumes, but because of what this day represents. While parents send their kids trick-or-treating, there are thousands of people making sacrifices to the devil on this day. I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna give Satan and his followers the satisfaction of knowing that I'm at the party of the one who hates my Best Friend! Tonight is Worship and Movie Night at my house. Amen to that!

Ponderings:

• People want to come as close as they can to the line without crossing it. How far can we get? How much can we get away with before it's labeled as "wrong." Forget the world and fix your eyes on God.
• It doesn't matter how much you are forced to do what's right, because until you encounter the Living God and receive a revelation, everything will seem like a pain transformed into a rule book {Look with your eyes wide open}.

I choose to have this attitude today:

(Joshua 24:14-15) “So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”